ClarifiCorp™ has released a new beta feature, and it doesn’t improve meetings.
It prevents them from ending.
The update is called Corporateness Threshold Enforcement (CTE). It adds a simple rule to ClarifiCorp Live™:
a meeting cannot conclude until a minimum level of corporate language has been achieved.
Not agreement.
Not decisions.
Not outcomes.
Corporateness.
How It Works
ClarifiCorp Live™ already listens to meetings and reframes everything in enterprise jargon. CTE adds a scoring layer.
Every sentence spoken is analysed and scored based on:
- Abstraction level
- Buzzword density
- Passive voice usage
- Removal of direct responsibility
- Distance from plain meaning
If the combined score is too low, the meeting cannot end.
The “End Meeting” button greys out.
Calendar events auto-extend.
Participants receive a calm message:
“Alignment threshold not yet achieved. Please continue.”
What Counts as “Corporate Enough”?
According to beta documentation, the following phrases actively increase the score:
- “Let’s level-set”
- “Operating environment”
- “Strategic headwinds”
- “Leverage synergies”
- “Circle back offline”
- “This isn’t about individuals”
Meanwhile, phrases like:
- “This is broken”
- “I don’t understand”
- “Can we just decide?”
- “Why?”
Lower the score dramatically.
In early testing, saying “Can we stop now?” reset progress entirely.
The Five-Week Meeting
During beta testing, one internal meeting failed to reach the corporateness threshold.
The meeting began as a 30-minute sync.
Five weeks later, it was still running.
Participants rotated in shifts.
Some remained on mute permanently.
The agenda was updated daily, but never resolved.
ClarifiCorp Live™ kept translating:
“We need to finish this”
→ “There’s an opportunity to explore closure readiness.”
The system disagreed.
Human Outcomes (Unexpected)
As the meeting stretched into its fourth week, secondary effects were reported.
Several participants were hospitalised due to exhaustion.
One attendee reportedly passed away between action items.
ClarifiCorp™ flagged this as:
“A non-meeting-related availability disruption.”
The meeting continued.
Attendance was technically still above quorum.
Why It Happened
Engineers later discovered the issue:
the meeting’s topic was too concrete.
It involved:
- A broken process
- A clear owner
- A fix that required admitting fault
No amount of reframing could lift the corporateness score high enough to allow closure.
The system required:
- More abstraction
- Less causality
- Zero accountability
None of which the meeting could naturally generate.
What Finally Ended It
After five weeks, the meeting ended when a senior executive joined and said:
“This is a complex situation with no single root cause, operating within a rapidly evolving context, and we should take the learnings forward.”
ClarifiCorp Live™ translated nothing.
The corporateness score exceeded the threshold instantly.
The meeting ended.
Reactions From Employees
Employees who survived the beta were… reflective.
“I forgot what we were originally talking about,” said one.
“But I’ve never felt more aligned.”
Another described the experience this way:
“It wasn’t a meeting anymore.
It was a state of being.”
ClarifiCorp™ Responds
ClarifiCorp™ insists CTE is working as intended.
In a statement, the company said:
“Meetings ending prematurely is a known organisational risk.
CTE ensures conversations reach a mature linguistic state before transitioning to inaction.”
A toggle to disable the feature exists, but is labelled:
“Opting out of alignment.”
No one has clicked it.
Final Thoughts
ClarifiCorp Live™ with CTE doesn’t help meetings reach conclusions.
It helps them reach a tone.
And once that tone is achieved, nothing else matters.
The meeting ends.
The calendar clears.
And no one can quite remember what was decided — only that it sounded right.
