In life, we may encounter challenging relationships with colleagues or ex-partners that escalate to a level where animosity prevents effective communication. Such instances can be emotionally draining and highly stressful. Fortunately, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and Stoic philosophy provide powerful tools to navigate these turbulent waters. Let’s explore how these can be applied.
Understanding CBT and Stoic Principles
At its core, CBT is about understanding the relationship between thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. It teaches us that our thoughts about a situation significantly impact our emotional responses and actions.
Stoicism, a philosophy dating back to ancient Greece, embraces a similar mindset. It advises us to focus on what we can control and let go of what we can’t. According to Stoicism, our perceptions, not the external events themselves, determine our emotional wellbeing.
Applying CBT and Stoicism
Here’s how we can harness these principles to handle a hostile relationship:
1. Reframe Your Thoughts
CBT teaches us that by reframing our thoughts, we can alter our emotional responses. If a colleague or ex-partner’s actions are causing distress, instead of focusing on their hostility, we can reframe our thoughts. For instance, you might think, “This person’s behavior is more reflective of their issues than my worth.” This reframing shifts your focus away from their negativity and back to your own value and self-worth.
2. Focus on What You Can Control
This is where Stoic philosophy shines. You can’t control someone else’s feelings or actions, but you can control your own reactions and attitudes. For example, when faced with hostility, instead of reacting with anger or sadness, you can choose to remain calm, composed, and respectful.
3. Practice Detachment
A central theme in both CBT and Stoicism is the idea of emotional detachment. Instead of being emotionally entwined with the hostile person’s actions or words, see them as separate from you. By viewing their hostility as their issue, not yours, you can reduce the emotional toll on yourself.
Conclusion
Managing relationships filled with hostility and resentment can be complex and emotionally challenging. By applying principles from CBT and Stoicism, we can shift our focus from trying to change others, a task often beyond our control, to managing our own responses and maintaining our emotional well-being. Though it might not transform the relationship overnight, it will certainly empower you with the tools to weather the storm with greater resilience and tranquility.
