Combining Stoic teachings with modern cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) provides a practical approach to emotional intelligence. While Stoicism offers timeless principles on managing emotions, CBT adds a structured, evidence-based method to implement these ideas effectively. Together, they create a roadmap to developing greater self-awareness, emotional regulation, empathy, and resilience.
1. Self-Awareness: Recognising Thoughts and Emotions
In both Stoicism and CBT, self-awareness is the starting point. Stoics believed that recognising and examining emotions gives us control over our reactions. CBT builds on this by encouraging people to observe their automatic thoughts and identify patterns of thinking that drive emotional responses. Through this process, you can understand the beliefs behind your emotions.
Example in Stoicism: Marcus Aurelius advocated for observing one’s thoughts as they arose. He aimed to catch judgments before they could lead to impulsive actions.
CBT Technique: CBT’s “thought record” method aligns well with this Stoic principle. When you feel a strong emotion, jot down the thoughts accompanying it. This can help you identify unhelpful thinking patterns, such as catastrophising or jumping to conclusions, and see how these affect your emotions.
2. Self-Regulation: Reframing Thoughts with Rationality
Stoicism teaches us to view challenging situations objectively, regulating emotional responses through reason. CBT offers a practical way to do this by challenging and reframing negative thoughts. When faced with distressing emotions, CBT encourages examining the evidence for and against these thoughts, allowing us to see situations more clearly.
Example in Stoicism: Epictetus taught that it’s not external events that disturb us but our interpretations of them. By reframing these interpretations, we can reduce distress.
CBT Technique: Try the CBT approach of “cognitive restructuring.” When a difficult situation arises, write down the initial thought (e.g., “I’ll never succeed at this”) and examine the evidence for and against it. Then, replace it with a more balanced perspective (e.g., “I can learn from this and improve next time”). This process aligns closely with Stoic self-regulation.
3. Empathy Without Absorbing Others’ Emotions
Stoicism values understanding others without becoming emotionally entangled. Stoics encourage “detached empathy”—being supportive and kind without absorbing others’ emotions. In CBT, this is approached by setting emotional boundaries, recognising that while others’ feelings are valid, they don’t have to become part of your emotional world.
Example in Stoicism: Seneca, a Stoic philosopher, advised that when comforting others, it’s best to maintain a calm, composed presence rather than sharing in their grief.
CBT Technique: CBT includes strategies for managing emotional boundaries, especially when supporting someone in distress. Practice active listening by focusing on understanding their perspective without internalising their emotional state. CBT’s boundary-setting techniques help keep your own emotional health steady, allowing you to provide more effective support.
4. Motivation Driven by Purpose and Values
For Stoics, motivation is not about the pursuit of pleasure or success, but about living according to virtue and purpose. In CBT, this concept is applied by identifying values-based goals and using them as a motivation anchor. By focusing on what’s truly meaningful to you, you can build a deeper, more resilient motivation.
Example in Stoicism: Marcus Aurelius often used his sense of duty as motivation, reminding himself to rise to his responsibilities and act in accordance with his principles.
CBT Technique: Use the “values assessment” method in CBT. List your core values and reflect on how they shape your goals. Then, when feeling demotivated, connect back to these values. This practice, much like Stoic teachings, helps you act in ways that align with your purpose and values, making it easier to stay motivated in the long term.
5. Acceptance: Embracing Reality Without Resistance
Acceptance is a key Stoic practice, especially in the form of amor fati, or “love of fate.” This means welcoming life’s events as they come, without resisting what cannot be changed. CBT offers a similar approach with “acceptance strategies,” which teach us to let go of trying to control the uncontrollable and focus on what we can change instead.
Example in Stoicism: Epictetus emphasised the importance of accepting what is outside our control and focusing on our responses to these events.
CBT Technique: When facing difficult circumstances, use CBT’s “acceptance and commitment therapy” (ACT) strategy. Instead of resisting or trying to avoid uncomfortable feelings, acknowledge them without judgment and focus on constructive actions. Over time, this practice reduces the distress around uncontrollable events, echoing the Stoic idea of acceptance and building a sense of inner peace.
Conclusion: Using Stoicism and CBT to Build Emotional Intelligence
By blending Stoicism and CBT, we gain both timeless wisdom and practical tools for emotional growth. Stoicism teaches us to live with resilience, compassion, and purpose, while CBT offers structured methods to put these principles into practice. Together, they allow us to navigate emotions with clarity and to respond to life’s challenges in a way that promotes long-term well-being.
Through self-awareness, rational self-regulation, empathetic boundaries, purpose-driven motivation, and acceptance, you can cultivate emotional intelligence that is both grounded and transformative. Whether using a Stoic lens or CBT technique, this approach to emotional intelligence equips you to live a more balanced, resilient life.
